A miniature kitchen, with a man's hand showing the size

Irfictionary | Kitchend

An Irfictionary post after a long, long time. Irfictionary? An Urban Dictinary-esque series on my blog. This time’s is inspired by soon-to-be-ready new apartment.

A couple of months ago, I went to check out the apartment in the final stages of completion. It’s a 1BHK, just like my earlier flat in Bombay / Mumbai. However, on seeing it, I realized, Chennai builders don’t know to make 1BHKs like in Bombay. There, due to the space crunch, 1BHKs are most in demand. So, builders there pack in the most into a small area, making it look not so small after all. Here in Chennai, I guess, people are still getting used to the idea of apartments. Here, houses have been the norm for the longest time, but now I guess with many people from the rest of India coming here for work, things seem to be changing. So, the apartment plans are very different from those in Bombay. In fact, there seems to be no plan at all. Yes, my flat’s hall is decently sized, the bedroom and attached bathroom modest, the wash area separate. But the kitchen is a killer. It’s at the entrance and tiny as the keyhole. Why, it’s so small, it gets over even before it started. And so, should it be called ‘kitchend’?

Cover pic for this post with a composite image of the brothers from 'Kapoor and Sons' and the post title

Irficionado | Writing and Creativity (Since 1921… and Way Earlier)

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Wrote this piece for The Hindu’s thREAD. It got published today, the perfect day, Friday, as it’s about movies, and the arts in general. Here’s the link: This Piece on thREAD. And below’s the original piece.


There are about three conversations happening around the super-loved, superhit Kapoor and Sons (Since 1921) right now.

First, it’s a delectable easy-charm, slice-of-life movie that takes the protagonists and the viewers not from A through Z, but to, let’s say, a T. Also, it’s a liner and not a submarine – it cruises along without diving deep. I agree with most of that, but wish it could have gone just a bit deeper; it would have been a “truer” film, like the director, Shakun Batra’s debut Ek Main aur Ekk Tu, which does the opposite of Kapoor and Sons – it goes from A to T and then back to A: the protagonists don’t end up being together at the end, nor seem very likely to.

Next, how insanely good-looking Fawad Khan is, especially shorn of the stubble from his Bollywood debut, Khoobsurat – and people thought that was hot. Fawad has got most girls, and some guys, weak in their knees and other body parts. And there’s talk that just for this delightful import from across the border, we might finally let their cricket team win a World Cup match.

Fawad Khan in a scene from 'Kapoor and Sons'Finally, people are going to town about how sensitively the film-makers have dealt with Fawad’s character, Rahul, being gay. (Did we hear those girls weeping and those guys whooping? Chill, that’s just his character – although he is married in real life.) The LGBT community especially seems ecstatic that the makers have said ‘gay’ without saying ‘gay’ – there’s no mention of the word, not even an indication (even the fuchsia feather boa in the family belongs to his dad) and Rahul isn’t portrayed as disco/Cher-loving or shirt-chasing. I think the makers could have gone better here too – while no one uses the G word, Rahul’s mom treats him, at least as soon as she comes to know of his “truth”, with the same disgust most queer people find themselves at the receiving end of. But portrayals of LGBT characters in our movies rarely go beyond those effete, pink-loving stereotypes, so this is at least two-steps-forward, one-step-back.

But I’d like to bring a fourth, and perhaps more discussion-worthy, conversation to the Burma-teak table. Before that, the context-setting.

Rahul and his younger bro, Arjun, are both writers. However, Rahul is the successful one and Arjun the struggler. Rahul’s second book has been a huge success – although his first tanked – and he’s presently working on the third. In fact, he seems to be doing well enough to come to his home-town, Coonoor, to scout for a bungalow to turn into an artists’ retreat. Arjun, in contrast, is struggling with more than just his writing. He’s recently given up, after a short stint, his gig of blogging about Bollywood and is presently making ends meet as a part-time bartender. In his spare time, he is working on a book, his second one, after having given up the first because it “somehow” proved to be very similar to Rahul’s second/successful book. (Did Rahul sneak a peek and get “inspired”? For that, you’ll have to watch the movie.)

Sidharth Malhotra and Fawad Khan in a scene from 'Kapoor and Sons'

Setting aside their differences for a while, in the second half, the brothers begin talking about Arjun’s manuscript. Arjun shares that the publisher has asked him to change the ending as it’s a not happy one, but he is, um, not happy with doing that. Why? Because he believes “books, or literature, should reflect real life – and real life is never happy.”

However, toward the end, as the movie moves toward its T point, we see Arjun reneging: he makes the book end positively. At the publishers’, when asked how he finally relented, warmly recalling Rahul’s reflections to him (more about this later), he offers, “Based on someone’s suggestion…”

As a writer and creative individual (or so the hope), this seemed a more primal point for discussion than how deep a movie should go, how lovely a lad looks, or how a gay guy can love other colours in the rainbow flag.

A quote about happy endingsThe great books, even the good ones – and by this I mean literature and not “racy, pacy reads” – have almost always ended sad. From Homer to Shakespeare to Hardy to living authors, it’s like a defining trait of literature that it shouldn’t end joyous. And I believe this is for the good: people read these books, not so much to escape their pain, but to empathize with others in a parallel universe somewhere dealing with the same kinds of pathos. As we see our troubles equalled, or even surpassed, in literary characters, we are assuaged – kind of like a therapy session right at home, or wherever you choose to read. And while these characters are fictional, lit-lovers know that somewhere these are either alter egos of the writers or amalgamated versions of people the writer has met or observed.

While I haven’t read Iliad and very little of Shakespeare and Hardy, let me talk of the ones I have, right from my favourite authors and books to more recent literature.

Marquez’s One Hundred Years of Solitude, while mesmerizing to read right from the first Buendian (the family in the story) to the last, eventually ends up in loss for the family. As the second-last Buendian loses himself more and more in academia, the last Buendian, the baby, loses his little life, Second-Last failing to pay attention to Last’s precarious situation. A century on, the family is back to solitude.

Cover of V S Naipaul's sublime 'A House for Mr Biswas'In Naipaul’s tender, tearful A House for Mr Biswas, there is almost no relief for Mr B through the expansive tome. As he sees his third and final house slowly disintegrating, his life too seeps away, at the ripe old age of… 46.

Even in Marquez’s ultimately-happy Love in the Time of Cholera, the lovers meet only after “51 years, 9 months and 4 days.” Many would say, where’s the joy in that?

Cover of Cyrus Mistry's 'Chronicle of A Corpse Bearer'Or take the recent DSC winners (an award given for South Asian writing, which seems to be going India’s way over the last few years, just like the Ms Worlds/Ms Universes were once upon a time). Cyrus Mistry’s Chronicle of A Corpse Bearer deals with the many tragedies in the life of the titular khandhia, from his excommunication from his caste on marrying a woman “below” him to the death of his wife at a very young age. Even the most recent winner that I’m in the middle of now, Anuradha Roy’s Sleeping on Jupiter, deals with many dark and heavy themes: the not-so-holy doings of some (all?) godmen, the frustration inherent in most gay romances (the flavour of the season?), and the spirit-leeching deterioration of the faculties in old age. I’m yet to know how it ends, but it surely doesn’t augur well.

So, if literature ends up being tragic yet triumphant, and he isn’t writing a book with a number in its title or a Hindu mythological figure as its hero, why does Arjun end up modifiying its ending?

The answer perhaps lies where it started – in our movies. Many Bollywood directors (no doubt, there are examples in other Indian cinemas too, but I am a Big Bolly Buff) make a great first movie – a movie from their heart and soul – but which doesn’t do ting at the tills as it’s too “real”, and so change tack and make a more “commercially viable” movie henceforth, which not surprisingly works.

Ayan Mukerji made the wondrous Wake Up Sid, which despite all its acclaim at best only woke up, rather than shook up, the box office. So, he moved to more commercial elements, such as a more saleable leading lady and foreign locales, and delivered the blockbuster Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani.

Poster of Zoya Akhtar's debut movie 'Luck by Chance'Zoya Akhtar first gave us, or me (as it’s my favourite film of all time), the rich, deep, involving Luck By Chance, which had layers upon layers of psychology, nuance, complexity, and then some. But apart from folk like me who watched it 15 times, it had little luck. So, she swerved to the big, vapid Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara and then the bigger and only less vacuous Dil Dhadakne Do.

Director Shakun Batra leaning over a cut-out of his debut movie 'Ek Main aur Ekk Tu'Finally, and ironically, Shakun Batra himself. He debuted with, as I already wrote, the ruminative Ek Main aur Ekk Tu, where the hero-heroine remain ek main aur ekk tu, but never ek hum (one you, one me, but never one us): the heroine, Kareena Kapoor, feels they are nice individuals in their own place but can’t be together, at least she doesn’t see it that way. Not surprisingly, the movie was seen by ek-do (one-two) folk. And so, in Kapoor and Sons, Shakun had Arjun and Tia (Alia Bhatt) hooking up by the end. And perhaps, to be doubly sure, he made Rahul prefer men. (Oh, was that the real reason for the character being gay?)

Cover of the book 'Creativity, Inc.To be fair, these directors might be attempting a golden middle. In a mini-interview to a different part of The Hindu, about which book he’s reading presently (Creativity, Inc.: Overcoming the Unseen Forces That Stand in the Way of True Inspiration by Ed Catmull with Amy Wallace), Shakun had this to say: “The book talks about finding the balance between telling the stories you have to tell and fighting the battle you have to fight… It gives a lot of perspective and also makes me feel that it is possible to not sell your soul and make a film that connects with people.”

Your first creative endeavour goes under. You don’t want the next to suffer the same fate. Any wonder then that in making its ending a happy one, Arjun makes a practical decision. He wants to be successful – and if this is the only thing stopping him – why not, in a manner of speaking, lower your ideals?

Now, to all the writers/creative souls out there: what would you do? Write (pen/direct) a real but less saleable story? Or a happy and more successful one? That is, write for the self – or to sell? Or is there a golden middle?

As you begin writhing over that, let me finally share the suggestion Rahul gives Arjun, which leads to the modified ending, “Because people find real life tough, they look for happiness in stories…”

Now what would you do?

Agonizing, huh? Well, such is life. And I guess, literature.

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Promo pic of The Siddhus of Upper Juhu

Meview: The Siddhus of Upper Juhu

I seem to have entered a poetic, verse, or at least a rhyme phase at present. Here’s my meview of the play, The Siddhus of Upper Juhu (which I watched as a part of The Hindu Theatre Fest 2015, over the weekend), in poetic form.

Life in a metro can get to you,

Is the theme of The Siddhus of Upper Juhu.

So, the Siddhus move into this “Bombay” highrise,

But find in vain, and pain, that it doesn’t suffice…

To keep away the din of the partying “airhostesses”; the neighbour, his kids, his wife;

The barking dog; the construction drill; and other dins of urban life.

To make things worse, Mr Bubbles Siddhu gets the sack,

And slowly begins turning into a cuckooish Jack.

To compensate, his wife, Behroze, takes up a job – and thus joins the grind…

But, as Bubbles seems to get better, she ends up losing her mind!

Rajit Kapur and Shernaz Patel play the afflicted couple to perfection,

And Rahul DaCunha is as astute as ever in his direction.

Do watch this play wherever you get the opportunity –

It’s a humorous lament on the cost of living in a city.

To read a non-poetic review of the play, go here: http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/entertainment/hindi/theatre/Theatre-review-The-Siddhus-Of-Upper-Juhu/articleshow/46622780.cms

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Irfictionary: Entrepreneur-Themed

This time’s Irfictionary celebrates the flavour of the moment, entrepreneurs – looking at both stages (of becoming an entrepreneur) and types (of entrepreneurs), right down to a non-desirable one. (I know terms like ‘wantrepreneur’ and ‘borntrepreneur’ exist, so maybe I’m just extending the list. And Irfictionary? Find out more about it a bit down in the blog.)



You yearn to be an entrepreneur. Because you’re bored of the rat race. Because you’re fed up of how little you are earning or how little difference you are making. Because you believe you have the next big idea after online retail sites. Because the next-door neighbour is an entrepreneur. (Yes, the era of comparing sons to doctors, engineers, and MBAs is as old as, um, the word ‘era’. Now, everyone – your dad, your wife/girlfriend, your buddy – is weighing you against them entrepreneurs.)


The incubation stage.

Ontrepreneur / Gonetrepreneur / Dawntrepreneur

The incubation stage is over, and you are ready to go to the market. Your entrepreneurship is on. You have gone entrepreneur. It’s the dawn of your enterprise. Take your pick.


You skip the incubation stage (your idea is that cool or you are in such a hurry) and go instantly/directly to the entrepreneur stage. Appropriate in an age of instant updates, instant feedback, instant food… (Er, perhaps not the last one.)


Everyone fawns over you. “Oh, wow, you are an entrepreneur? That’s cool.” “You run a start-up. Sweet. By the way, I have an idea too…”


Your start-up takes off, and any of the following follows. A biggie wants to buy you. An investor wants to flush you with the greens. You decide to expand. In all cases, you’ve won/arrived as an entrepreneur. Congrapreneur! Huh? Congrats, entrepreneur!


Johntrepreneur / Gentrepreneur

An all-guy start-up.


An all-woman start-up or one aimed at women, such as Zivame. (How come I didn’t define the earlier one too the same way? Simple; I haven’t come across any start-ups aimed exclusively at guys.)

Jeunetrepreneur / Youngtrepreneur

A start-up by a young (‘jeune’ in French) guy/girl/team. This seems to be the flavour within the flavour of the moment. The youngest bar keeps getting higher (lower?), much like the frequency with which Usain Bolt keeps breaking the 100m record. Or the regularity with which the authorities keep detecting adulteration these days in processed foods. (Ok, enough with the processed foods’ examples. Or heck, maybe some entrepreneur should take up this idea. Healthy foods / Healthy processed foods… Healthapreneurs, anyone?)

Sontrapreneur / Sciontapreneur

You are the son – ok, scion, to be more inclusive – of an entrepreneur and an entrepreneur yourself. This could be because the family business isn’t what it used to be and you want to take it in a different/new direction. Or you want to break free and do something yourself. Without papa’s money – if you have that much daring. Or ego.


Another term for serial entrepreneur. Start. Succeed. Sell / Shelve. Repeat. Yeah, you’re constantly in that mode.


You’ve tried your hand at entrepreneurship, and due to various reasons/circumstances, decide it’s not for you – maybe for now. You go back to a job, or in the case of the scion, to papa’s business, and bide your time until your next big idea, and thus, your return. Better luck next time.


You thought over it, and eventually decided entrepreneurship is not for you. Too risky. Too many headaches. Too many mouths to feed. Or you tried it once, and now decide, never again. No worries. Everyone doesn’t have to want – or be – the same thing.

And this one with caution…


My friend was telling me the other day how he’d never again order from this online (conline?) shopping giant here, but rather from the worldwide giant that now also e-tails in India. Reason? They buy rejects for cheap, fix them, and then sell them for new at, oh, of course, crash-low prices. As that solid movie about entrepreneurs, Rocket Singh – Salesman of the Year, so aptly put it, It takes at least 2-3 years to establish your start-up… unless you’re doing something wrong.


What stage are you in? What type are you? Either way, all the best!

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Irfictionary: Inspiration-Themed

Here’s another in the Irfictionary series, this time around the thing that most creative (advertising) people desire: no, not the Cannes Grand Prix, but inspiration. (And ‘Irfictionary’? Find out more about that in some of the below posts.)


In doing this, you’re either lazy or have hit all sorts of blocks (writer’s block, creative block, even a block of wood). Nothing’s giving. In desperation, you type a relevant keyword in the Google search bar and hit ‘Images’. You go through at least 10 pages and make sure you don’t select anything before page 6. (After all, nobody goes beyond page 3 of Google – unless they are ego surfing.) If still no luck, you refine your search with ‘Clip Art’. Yes, your inspiration is running that thin.


When the above fail, you go to Pinterest.


When even Pinterest can’t help you (that will be the day), you go to your machine and look through all your folders for anything you had discarded earlier or can recycle.


Both online and offline don’t work. So, you decide to make a beeline to your favourite bar/club. Nothing like high decibel and hormonal levels to get those right-brain cells going, eh?


And of course, mix the above with whatever is your poison.


But somehow today, even that high isn’t getting you creatively high. Or maybe you are a teetotaller, wallflower, or new-age spiritual. So, you go to a quiet corner and do some yoga, pranayam, meditation, or pilates.


You’ve tried all the above, and nothing’s yielding. That’s when you go back to the basics: What’s my audience? What do they like? What would connect with them? What would be fresh to them? What is true to the brand? What is right for the audience? And then it slowly oozes out… The winning idea.

Happy thinking! Happy creating!