Newly wed couple, where the groom looks doubtful and the bride pensive

Male, Single | Problems Solved

I think I should finally get married. It will solve problems of getting a rental flat easily; getting a bigger rental flat easily (“Why does a single guy need a 2BHK??”); at the risk of sounding misogynistic, having home-cooked food available readily; and most of all, being asked at every turn and corner: “You are still single??” One of these days, I’ll really turn around and corner them with my equivalent of that question, “You are still married??”

I could have a marriage of convenience (as if most marriages aren’t that already). Marriage of convenience, because I ain’t too hot about the three pillars of marriage: kids, women and marriage itself. (Straight, gay, bi, I don’t think anyone can understand women completely, except perhaps other women. And then, they go and feel jealous of each other.)

She and I could rent or buy a double-bed flat. So, she gets her space and me mine. Nothing has to happen within our closed doors. Outside those closed doors, we can pretend to be like every other couple pretending to be a happy couple.

Of course, a year or so later, people will begin asking, “Why don’t you have kids yet??”

Then, of course, we could adopt. Or better still, do IVF and address the next question in advance, “How about a second kid as company to junior?”

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A young man walking in the fields partly obscured by the brightly shining sun's rays

Well Set

With a C and an O in your title, with another C and O (corner office) as your office space, with a vehicle as big as that space getting you to that space, I guess, you are set in life.

Calling the lowest staff by their name, letting that harassed-looking office-goer take your auto, stopping to pet that street dog, with these, I guess, you are set for the after-life.

Graphic of a big long bill wrapping itself around the payer while others at the table enjoy themselves

“I’ll have…”

When you are meeting with an associate or a client over a meal, especially the first time, you get a good idea of the grain of the person by what they choose to order based on who’s paying.

If they order the most expensive item on the menu when you are paying and the least expensive when they are, you know the way money conversations are going to go on the project: always their way.

If it’s the reverse, first, you have a near-miracle, and second, never let go of this person or team.

And if they always order only black coffee, they of course are vegan.