B&W image of a man holding half his face in his hands with eyes closed

Tortured Soul

Tortured souls

Are tortured so

Because they listen

Not to the ways of the world

But to the whispers of the soul

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A calm blue sea

Old. Soul.

When you find yourself

Being happier with less…

Is it a sign of growing old…

Or growing soul?

Guru Dutt as Vijay toward the end of Pyaasa

Fellowship of the Soul

Love for all things Cal and Bengal.

Love for animals.

Rooted in the middle class.

Deep-rooted.

Introverted.

Complex.

Artistic.

Humanistic.

Holding honesty in great regard.

Not holding money in much.

Creative soul.

Creative soul with an unending thirst for perfection.

And because of all the above, an anguished creative soul.

A feeling of being ahead of one’s time.

Experiences of constantly being misunderstood.

Impassioned personal life.

Imperfect love life.

A yearning to get away from it all.

A wish to give it up all.

Is it any wonder that I feel a fellowship of the soul with… Guru Dutt?

Guru Dutt with a monkey atop his shoulderI have been on a deep discovery of Guru Dutt, both his movies and himself, for some months now. (That’s how I’ve picked up many of the above details.) And find somewhere that we are / were similar souls. From more visible aspects (like our great fondness for Calcutta and Bengal because we spent our early years there) to less tangible ones like humanism. This is the best explanation I have been able to offer to what has drawn me to GD (apart from his movies, of course). And no, this is obviously not meant to put me on the same creative plane as GD. I don’t think I could achieve in several lifetimes what GD achieved in one, that too, a relatively short one. With that feeling of fellowship though, I would have loved to see / meet GD just once in my lifetime. But that, alas, won’t happen in this lifetime either. Until then, there are his movies – filled with his beliefs, ideals, values… and soul.

 

A man rowing in a boat in a golden setting with mist rising

(Full)Filling Our Purpose

I read somewhere sometime back that our purpose on earth, our purpose in (this) life is the completion of the soul. So far, of all the statements of our purpose on earth I have come across, that resonates the most. Perhaps because it is about something I fascinate about the most, the soul.

So, that explains when someone passes away, I guess: they have managed the completion of their soul. What then of the folk who pass away early? Does that mean they managed the completion of their soul very fast? Maybe. And what of folk who pass away in old age, some even past 100? Does the completion of their soul take so long? If so, why? Do they do it… so slowly? Hmm, I guess it only means… they have very big souls to fill.

Guru Dutt as an older man at the beginning of Kaagaz ke Phool

Destruction and Construction

In my rapid and rabid discovery of Guru Dutt, after having watched almost all his acted, directed and produced movies and a documentary on him, I have now moved on to his books. I have read three so far, am in the midst of one, have one more to go, and want to get my hands on the only one I don’t have yet, but also the most expensive. (That has letters from GD to the other GD, Geeta Dutt, his better half and singer in almost all his films, written over the 13 years of their togetherness, and so costs what it does. But I will get to it, I will.)

Cover of Sathya Saran's book, Ten Years with Guru Dutt: Abrar Alvi's JourneyAll the books are, aptly, around a certain theme or have a certain leaning. The one I’m reading right now actually is about Abrar Alvi, who wrote the dialogue for his films and directed one (Sahib Bibi aur Ghulam; its songs though, like all GD films, were directed by GD himself). It’s about the 10 years he collaborated with GD, and is thus called Ten Years with Guru Dutt: Abrar Alvi’s Journey. It’s authored by Sathya Saran, former Femina editor, and is structured interestingly: the chapters are named after songs in GD’s movies, and achingly, begins with his death through the Kaagaz ke Phool lament Bichhde sabhi baari baari.

Cover of Arun Khopkar's book on Guru DuttA couple of others (In Black and White: Hollywood and the Melodrama of Guru Dutt, by Darius Cooper, and Guru Dutt: A Tragedy in Three Acts, by Arun Khopkar, translated by Shanta Gokhale) read more academic and go into the realm of philosophy and psychology, regularly bringing up Jung and Freud. While Cooper, as his book’s title goes, talks at length about the various kinds of melodrama in GD’s movies, Khopkar brings up one theme quite often: self-destruction. How self-destruction was a recurring thought in GD’s movies, and although not saying it directly (the scope of the book is not biography, as Khopkar states at the beginning), also in his life.

Since Khopkar looks at GD’s movies through the twin lenses of philosophy and psychology, perhaps we do the same for this comment. What is self-destruction? And through whose eyes? Perhaps “self-destruction” is living your life your way rather than that prescribed by the world, and paying the price for that. As I often say (as I am often at the receiving end of society’s diktats myself), the world / society does two things to an individual who goes against the grain: It tries to bring them “on track”. And if they don’t fall in line, which is the case with most individualistic people, society pronounces them “evil” and marks a tortured path for them.

Guru Dutt was a perfectionist, idealist, humanist and romantic in his movies, and I can safely add, in his life too. And perhaps paid the price for that. Or should I say, self-destructed.

But I also read somewhere that our purpose in life – and here’s adding a spiritual lens to this discourse – is the “completion of the soul”. GD’s movies were full of soul, even the lighter ones (such as Aar Paar and Mr and Mrs 55), and they filled the soul of their viewers, and continue to do so, more than fifty years since he passed on. Hmm, maybe that’s why he departed so early. He had managed the completion of his soul. Hopefully, it rests in peace now.